How do I know if it is true love that my hubby has for me or if it is from a needy love?

Liz asked:

My husbands love is exteem and overwhelming to the point where it feels like he is very needy and is coming from feer of his pains and ach and opperations that are coming soon. If he loved me as much as he does, why does he loose his temper so easly and yells at me sometimes even for no reason at all. The relationship I have is either extreem love or violante temper and yells at me. I am torn and I feel like I am on a roller coaster. Please help me understand.

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4 Responses to 'How do I know if it is true love that my hubby has for me or if it is from a needy love?'

hobsonzgt - January 26th, 2008 at 11:49 pm
Maybe he feels the relationship is threatened by someone else… Afraid you might slip up and go with someone else. Still no reason to be yelling unless you cheated on him in the past. Just don’t take the yelling seriously.
radice - January 29th, 2008 at 4:03 pm
It sound like your husband has control issues and low self esteem. Love is when you want the other person to be happy and healthy, not when you want to dictate their every move.
darkness - February 1st, 2008 at 6:09 am
If you said that this change in his behaviour is recent you should look for any recent change in your environment. I think his operation maybe the reason why act like that. You should try to open a discussion with him to know what are his fears and try to understand his thinking process this will make it easier for you to forgive him. In addition you will feel less offended by his behaviour when you discover that he is not attacking you and it’s not your fault when behave badly. An open discussion will help him to realise that you are not happy with the way he treat you and he will gain insight into the source of his feelings and behaviour and it will be easier to change it.
Ph_D - February 1st, 2008 at 11:15 am
This is a common problem for people who are facing medical problems. They become highly reliant, sometimes out of necessity, on their loved ones, and while typically they truly appreciate the investment and role the caregiver has, the caregiver is typically the only person they have as an outlet for their own emotional discomfort. A consequence of this shift in the relationship is that the patient will lash out emotionally when they begin to feel out of control, and since their health care providers and caregiver have more control, the patient lashes out at the easiest target–typically the loved one. This most likely not a problem with the “type” of love you two have, but rather a consequence of the pressure from the medical problems. Your husband may be dealing with some depression, which often presents itself socially in anger. I would see a psychologist and explain the difficulties you all are having. The bottomline, this is about a patient struggling with feelings of control and the roller coaster you’re one is a consequence of it.