How long would you say is a fair period before proposing marriage?
Mike Sanders asked:
I suppose I am a bit of a traditionalist from a moral point of view (certainly not a religious), I still beleive in asking the fathers permission etc. so that kinda gives you the idea of where I’m coming from.
I suppose I am a bit of a traditionalist from a moral point of view (certainly not a religious), I still beleive in asking the fathers permission etc. so that kinda gives you the idea of where I’m coming from.
I’ve always felt though that these days ‘engagements’ are getting a bit flim flam and perhaps not treated with the respect and understanding they once were.
Almost like you’re not really a couple unless you engaged.
Any hoo, how long would you say is a fair period to be with someone before a realistic commitment like marriage could be made?
Is living with them beforehand a factor?
your thoughts please
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August 10th, 2008 at 12:09 am
20000000025.32 years at least
August 11th, 2008 at 5:17 am
wel it all depends on how much u like them whether u trust them enough etc yes i would say living with them beforehand is a good idea to find out if they r ok to live with b4 u vow to live with them for ever and a day
August 14th, 2008 at 12:14 am
that depends on the size of the diamond.
If small or no diamond: 17 years at LEAST
if big: 3 days should be enough.
August 15th, 2008 at 2:49 am
Hi,
Well I been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years and still he not asked me!
He knows he wants to be with me and how much I want the committment but he keeps putting it off.
We live together and still nothing!
I think after about a year to a year and a half and the relationship going well then ask then.
Also I think living together first is good as it usually this time some couples split up as living together gives you more of an insight to how someone really is!
Lx
August 15th, 2008 at 5:39 pm
it seems an odd question to be asking on yahoo, but then nothing surprises me.
1 my gut reaction is “Don’t do it!” me having been married and divorced. living together would have worked out better.
2 engagement is just a word. it means nothing until the day before the wedding.
3 propose now, if that’s what you want. don’t wait “until the times right”
4 good luck mate!
August 18th, 2008 at 7:45 am
It all depends on the relationship. I’d say that the soonest would be 6 months.
August 18th, 2008 at 10:42 pm
It really all depends on you dude. I say six months is plenty enough.. But then again someone else might think it takes years. Living together beforehand definitely makes it easier to live together afterward and you would get to know eachother better in an environment where you lived together.
August 22nd, 2008 at 5:41 am
I can only talk from personal experience, but guys are always trying to rush me up the isle!! I know I shouldn’t complain, but the guy I am with at the moment told me he had ‘Strong feeling for me’ after a matter of days and less than a week. I stopped him proposing after a fortnight as I have no intention of remarrying since my husband died.
I lived with my husband for 3 years before we married. We just skipped the engagement and headed for the registry office. My first husband and I were the same, together three years before we married but engaged 18 months. We didn’t live together as it wasn’t done in those days. Good luck with the proposal.
August 24th, 2008 at 12:45 am
25 Years.Gives you time to weigh up the pros and cons.
August 25th, 2008 at 5:13 am
Wow you sound alot like my J, he thinks the worlds gone lazy with traditionalism when it comes to proposing and marriage.
Anyway i’d say you might wanna live together so you know what its like living in the same house plus it’ll give you an idea of married life.
As for time i’d say a year and a half at least but maybe two years so that the other person will know your serious.
August 25th, 2008 at 7:11 pm
Completely depends on the relationship. I knew on the first date that I didn’t want to be with anyone else. I never felt like that before. He asked me on the one year anniversary of our first date. We set our wedding date one year ahead, so in total it will be 2 years. One year dating, one year engaged and doing wedding planning.
I’m not sure the living together factor really matters. We got engaged before I moved in and I’ve been living with him full time for about 3 or 4 months now. It’s really no different because I was here every night anyway. It just made it more convenient and took a lot of stress off of me driving back and forth. We’re happier now than we were and I don’t get attitude so much from being worn out and driving all the time.
August 28th, 2008 at 10:18 am
if you’re that traditional you wouldn’t live with them. but realistically, it’s better to live with someone, you might not get on. good luck.
August 28th, 2008 at 6:18 pm
Date for about five years. Partially move in with her for another five years but still retain separate dwellings just in case. The same as with cars, I believe in a thorough test drive before I commit.
August 28th, 2008 at 8:19 pm
>>how long would you say is a fair period to be with someone before a realistic commitment like marriage could be made?>Is living with them beforehand a factor
August 29th, 2008 at 8:25 pm
I have to say that I don’t really think there is a measurable period of time.
I’m with you in that I believe that being engaged means that you intend to marry that person, and in that same breath, I’m not a believer in 5 year long engagements! If you get engaged to get married, then you get married. (Just a personal opinion.)
So my answer to your question would be the right time to ask your partner to marry you is when you know with everything you have that you intend to marry that person and commit the rest of your life with them. No period of time can determine that.
August 31st, 2008 at 9:06 am
I agree with Andrew C, I’ve been there too, twice . Moral point of view? If you ask for her hand in marriage, then living together should not be brought into the picture at all because then there would be a conflict of morals, they would be flying out the window.
Give your relationship at least a year if not more, you both need to understand the inner workings of the other.
September 2nd, 2008 at 11:54 pm
I think at least a year or close to that if you like the person enough at that time and are ready emotionaly etc..
And YES living together helps I think.
September 4th, 2008 at 11:06 pm
My personal opinion is this.. in terms of getting engaged.. just when it feels right. My boyfriend proposed a month after our 3 year anniversary. He asked my father first and I had no idea about it until he got down on one knee and I saw the ring! It was perfect. He waited 3 years because I was finishing college and getting my full time job and just getting my life in order and since the main parts of that were done (school, work) he decided that it was the best time.
I feel like you really have a good sense of the persons personality and needs after the first 6-8 months. Just make sure it’s long enough that you really get to know them and make sure you guys have the same goals and dreams that you can share down the road.
In terms of living together, being traditionalist, we aren’t doing that. I want marriage to be a new and exciting part of my life.. a new adventure if you will. If you’re already living together, whats changing about your life aside from a firm commitment and the same bank account? (again my opinion). Also, if it helps your decision, the divorce rate is the same for couples who live together before marriage and couples who don’t. It plays no part in the final numbers.
September 5th, 2008 at 1:34 am
My boyfriend and I are together a year and a half and he says he’s going to propose to me soon (but won’t tell me when!) – I can’t wait.
We live together and live together well! He is fantastic company and I love the fact that we share our lives like this. I had been living on my own for a couple of years (I own my home) and thought that I’d never be able to share with anyone again – and I wouldn’t be able to share with just anyone. He is so easygoing.
I think living together is a fantastic thing to do as it gives a real insight into the other person’s bad habits and you learn to know if you could live with these forever. My aunt gave me a piece of advice once which I think is very accurate – if you can live together well and the other person doesn’t irritate you – then that is a good indication of how your life will be together.
Propose when you know the time is right, when you know with complete certainty that you will never want another. Live together if it feels that it would be better than living apart.
In short, just go with your instincts and you can’t go wrong!….
September 7th, 2008 at 8:47 am
If you love eachother enough then just go for it!!
I don’t think you have to live with eachother first but you can consider it if you want
As long as you love eachother it doesn’t matter how long you’ve known eachother although i would suggest a couple of months at least
Good luck
September 10th, 2008 at 3:22 am
Speaking traditionally, 2 years of dating Then the proposal. Again traditionaly speaking, the marriage date is supposed to be within one year of the proposal. I advise you not to live together. It really takes all the romance out of it. And if you really love her and plan to marry, save something to be surprised about. Never propose to someone in less than a year. People only let you see what you want to see for about 6 months. Then gradually you’ll begin to see the real person emerge. Plus LOVE is like a narcotic, It gets you so high you can’t see straight. After awhile that wears off and then you will be able to tell if there is the Real Marriage kind of Love left. Things like compatability, respect etc. Good Luck
September 10th, 2008 at 9:27 pm
My fiance asked me when we was only going out with each other for about 2months!
We are still together and going strong.
I don’t think there should be a time limit on this.
If you love them and wanna spend the rest of your life together go for it.
September 12th, 2008 at 9:23 pm
I think a mature couple needs to date at least a year and a half to two years before becoming engaged. One should be decided BEFORE an engagement, and be engaged only as long as it takes to plan the wedding. That amount of time depends upon where one lives, because in some cities you need to book a minister/church, venue, caterer, etc. a year in advance.
Don’t shack up – and I don’t say that for religious reasons, but practical ones. If you are serious and want the commitment, wait til you are husband and wife before setting up house together.
Good luck to you!
September 13th, 2008 at 7:28 pm
Do you know that line from that Bryan Adams song, “When you can see your unborn children in her eyes?”? You have to ask yourself, when you’re sitting at home, and it’s you, and just the two of you, do you feel like you’re “home”. Is she your home? If you’re living together, I’m sure her parents are hoping for just such an outcome.Have you asked her how she feels about it?
September 13th, 2008 at 11:24 pm
Honestly. I don’t think there is a time frame tht you have to abide by before proposing marriage. I think it goes more by the vibe in the relationships and knowing what the other person is feeling. If you two are both headed in the same direction and you feel it’s right, then give it a shot!!!
September 16th, 2008 at 10:34 am
I think it really depends on the relationship itself. I’d say at the least over a year… My fiance and I have been together for over 2 years, he did also ask both of my parents for permission! We are pretty traditional, and it made me feel very special that he took the time to ask for their permission, plus my ring is also very special as it is his mother’s diamond from her wedding ring and his step mother’s sapphires that have been passed down from generation to generation. His whole family was involved in the planning..
I’m very glad to have waited this long to think about marriage, we’ve learned a lot about eachother in the past couple years, and we learn more everyday.
I think that living together is a big factor, we do live together and have for more than half of our relationship. You really don’t know someone before living with them…
Those are my thoughts…
September 19th, 2008 at 12:37 am
I believe the time limit depends on you and that special someone. Yea, ask the fathers permission I think that is a great idea. I hope my future hubby aask my dad…Which I am sure he will because we have already discussed this matter. When you do decide to get engaged…do it very romantic and make it something she will want to tell the world. My future hubby and I have known each other for 3 years and we have been a couple for a year and 4 months (going on five..lol), we have spoken on marriage, but we are both in college… I will graduate in a few years and he has a bit more to go for his profession… he will propose (hopefully) around my senior year and we can get married when I finish school or when he finishes. So that would be around 4 years for us, but “every couple is different.” Do what feels right to youa nd pray about the relationship.
Don’t live together before hand. Most people who do find out that they should have married before because they are doing everything married couples do wtih no committment. Marriage is the way. Don’t settle for less/ Make a descent woman of her.
*My future boyfriend better not ever ask if we can live together (show her that she wanted) and marry the woman…. don’t play around with her.
Hope that helps!!~
September 19th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
living with your partner first helps, you dont now somebody that well until you have lived with them. i moved in with my partner after 6 months then got enaged 11 months after.
he to did it tradtionally he asked my mums permission and stepfathers,( my dads not around)
it can depend when u ask them, two years seems to be the norm, a few people i know got engaged after two years of being together!!
September 21st, 2008 at 2:53 pm
I’d say six months – it worked for me. I’m too much of a traditionalist to live with someone I’m not engaged to.
September 21st, 2008 at 6:06 pm
It depends on you and how yall feel about each other, Me and my husband only dated for about 2 mths and then he asked me. And now we have been married almost three years, We also did live together before hand too.
September 22nd, 2008 at 4:18 am
Honestly.. i dont think it matters, and im a lot like you a bit of i.e asking the father permission, and meeting the parents, gettin their permission etc etc.
some people wait 3-5 years and nothing happens, and ther love fizzles out.. and i personally know 3 or 4 older couple’s who got married after 6-12 months and theyve been together for 15-25 years and just as happy as the day they met.
See “traditionally” as it where, you would ask the father but would get married a few months later and wait as “traditionally” sex before marriage was’nt allowed.
me personally.. i say if you really love each other just gor for it, get engaged then live together.. if you feel its working brilliantly.. start making plans. if not youve lost nothing.. dont forget Getting engaged IS NOT marriage, its a trial before marriage, if anything this is more traditional than just going out forever and a day and then getting engaged
Good luck and God bless
September 23rd, 2008 at 4:26 pm
Dont know whether I’m the right person to answer this question as I got engaged after being with my husband for 10 weeks. Must admit though we didn’t get married for another 18 months and lived together for 11 of those but we are celebrating our 4th wedding anniversary this year and I still adore him so who can say what’s right or wrong.