How would you have raised your grown children differently?

Rebecca asked:

Did they turn out like you hoped? Was it your fault? Would you change how you parented if you could?

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6 Responses to 'How would you have raised your grown children differently?'

Fred B - September 26th, 2009 at 5:51 am
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I would not have gotten upset at the little things, I would have gotten out of my marriage and raised them as I felt was right.
pinniethewooh - September 26th, 2009 at 3:19 pm
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This is a good question. I think I was a little too strict with my stepson. He’s in the Marines now and he knows I have regrets which is good. We’ve talked about how we could have done things differently and he seems to understand which is very mature of him.

But I know that he did turn out much better than his brother who was raised in another part of the country and his neighbors who are still living at home and not finding work. He’s very responsible, mature, loving, and kind. If I could do it over, I would be more gentle and give more hugs. That would cost nothing and I would feel better about the situation.
Kaliu3W - September 29th, 2009 at 5:06 pm
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Yes. I wouldn’t have let so much slide. I knew they were taking advantage of me being too nice, and they really walked all over me. I would have been tougher and more consistent. Of course it was my fault, I was the one in charge, so naturally I made the choice to be more lenient ( their Dad was a tyrant)…but I think it would’ve been better for them (and me in the long run) to have been more strict.
Michael P - September 30th, 2009 at 4:16 am
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With love!
Surviving Life - October 1st, 2009 at 10:31 pm
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As a mother of a 24, 19, 11 and 2 year old I would say that what has changed over the years in my parenting technique is that I have learned to relax and just enjoy my children for who they are. I realize that even though direction and guidance are very important in parenting they each have a certain makeup right from the start that is going to determine who they are and how they are going to turn out. With the first one I was so concerned with doing everything just right that I had put a lot of pressure on him to be a perfectionist. I definitely see a difference in the first and the last child’s expectations of themselves.They have all turned out just as they should have and we all have a good relationship. I just wish that I could have relaxed a little more with my older ones and not tried so hard to do it just right.
PHATmama - October 4th, 2009 at 1:44 am
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No, I wouldn’t change a thing with parenting. I raised my eight children alone, and with a strong hand of discipline (yes, I ******* their butts). The old cliche’ I used was “I brought you into this world, mess up, and I’ll take you out..” Well, they must have believed me because they are all grown and still alive….! They turned out good. The legacy I gave them was not so much of material value. I raised them believing in God and using Bible principles. I taught the importance of education, how to think before making decisions, how to treat others with integrity and respect, to believe in themselves, basically, I taught them the art of survival. Yes, I think it was my fault they turned out good, their Father never gave a dime in support, he never showed up to a graduation (they all grauated), was never at the birth of any of our grandchildren (17), nor great-grandchildren (7). In 46 years he gave the kids Christmas presents one time. The first Chritmas after I left him he gave them all bikes… ‘oh, wait, his girlfriend gave the kids the bikes….! I have earned the title of Matriach of the family. Everyone comes to me for counseling. That shows they believe, respect, and trust the wisdom God gave me.