In lust with Ex-wife, in love with Ex-girlfriend. What a mess?

gemini asked:

After reading this I will get many responses of how aweful I am but I encourage everyone to walk a mile in my shoes before judging me.

I have a beautiful ex-wife (actually separated) that is 10 years older than me and we have beautiful 8 year old son togethor. She had been married once and has two girls from the previous relationship. We have had a rocky relationship at best filled with incidents of abuse on both parts for the past 11 years, married 5. After many breaches of trust and fighting, we separated in 2006.

I forced myself to move on and began dating someone probably too soon. The girl was not my type but I enjoyed her company and I decide to be with someone based on interests and compatibility rather than looks. We dated 1.5 years but I continued to think of my ex and became very jealous whenever I would hear about the prospect of her moving on.

I made a desicsion to go back to the exwife but now I miss my exgirlfriend (best friend) terribly. Who do I love?

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5 Responses to 'In lust with Ex-wife, in love with Ex-girlfriend. What a mess?'

Mr. Taco - March 29th, 2009 at 6:31 am
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I would never be stupid enough to have to walk in your shoes, so you won’t find any sympathy here. You obviously don’t even know what love is, or you would know the answer. Maybe you need to let the girlfriend go so she can move on with her life and find someone more appropriate, leave your wife alone (she’s your EX for a reason) and take some time for yourself. Rediscover yourself, learn how to treat women properly, then start over. If necessary, get some counseling! You’ll be a better man for it, and both women involved will be better off.
sara c - April 1st, 2009 at 6:33 am
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first off get off the you you think for once think about others then ur self and u need to put ur child first. my friend of many yrs has gonna back and forth with his ex and they have a daughter together and his new gf seems to like that crap. cuz they have been doing it for afew yrs and i think he finally moved on with out anyone and his daughter is so much happier with him now…..
Sunshine/Deep - April 1st, 2009 at 1:02 pm
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You are stuck between both, find out which one you love the most. Do you miss your wife when you’re with your ex girlfriend? Do you want your wife to date other men? Do you want her to sleep with other men? Ask yourself the same about your girlfriend?
kassag123 - April 4th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
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I would have to say this is a bit of a train wreck..

ya know it sounds like the grass on the other side theory.
No disrespect intended but you seem to like everything your looking at not touching. (a window shopper) Nothing is wrong with that except you just can’t crush people like that.
I would say to completely leave the ex girlfriend completely alone (not even friends) You need to have some control of yourself.
Try to work out your ex marriage if that’s what you want. If not before you move into something else maybe spend some time with you to find out what it is you really need.

I know walking away from someone you love is not easy but right now you can’t do anything for her but put her thru all of this again.

Try to figure out why everything looks so good to you from the outside When you do ..go in and get it !!

Good Luck
Dizzy - April 5th, 2009 at 6:22 am
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both of them. and neither of them. let me explain:

You find something attractive about your wife because you have a history together, she’s your type and you have a family together. She’s sexier and more exciting and you miss the fun.

and yet you enjoy your girlfriend’s company because she’s your friend and you have a more stable and (I pressume) healthier relationship. She’s safer and you miss the comfort.

But you don’t love either one. If you were truly in love, one would just be a crush/fling and the other would be the person you want to spend most of your time with. It would be their feelings, not yours, that you would consider first in your decision.

you have to figure out what’s most important to you. Right now though, your focus should be on your son. You should make the right decision for him, not yourself. A child needs a stable and loving atmosphere at home and if you and your wife are bound to get at each other’s throats again you might want to consider staying away. Your ex-wife could meet someone more compatible to spend her life with. You and your girlfriend, on the other hand, could provide a healthier environment for your son and a more positive example of what “love” truly entails.