Pinoys and Expats: Do you think married couples who do not have children by choice have issues?

Well asked:

I, as are most pinoys, are roman catholic. Catholics, as well as most other legitimate religions, believe that the major point of marriage is to raise a family.

If a married couple decides not to have children (excluding the infertile or the destitute, of course) what do you think their real reasons are? Why even bother getting married? Why not just live together?

Is it due to the fact that they consider marriage a temporary thing that works for now only and want to make sure they have “a way out” easily by not having children to fight over custody? Is it selfishness or the inability to give of oneself to raise a child? Or is it the unwillingness to allow your spouse to deflect attention from you to the child? Or something else?

Personally, I think only married people (with or without child) are really qualified to answer this question.
Sorry about that Pau
Dizzle and Buttgirl, I used to think like you guys too and shuddered at the thought of the awesome responsiblity of raising lil ones. But now, I consider it the absolute best thing we ever did. Parenthood feels like you transcended to another level of living and all of a sudden everything starts to immediately make sense about why we are here on this planet. It was not about me me me me us us us us –but it was about others.

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7 Responses to 'Pinoys and Expats: Do you think married couples who do not have children by choice have issues?'

))paO(( - September 1st, 2009 at 6:45 am
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you should have put that personally part on top !!!!!!! hmmmpppppppppppppp!!!!!!!!!!!!!

bow…………
mikkie - September 2nd, 2009 at 9:07 pm
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I think this is personal choice. You Marry someone because you love them but neither of you particularly want children, or don’t particularly like children.
buttgirl - September 4th, 2009 at 7:30 am
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Why bother getting married? Our religions and culture does not encouraged cohabitation. And in the cases where couples have no plans of having a child, marriage may just be as simple as solidifying the commitment they have for each other.

I and my hubby are seriously sick&tired of being asked gazillion of times and by almost everyone we meet why the stork isn’t on our way as yet when we have been engaged and married for almost a year now. Indeed, why? Because we are career-oriented, selfish and a little immature (in raising a family).

We have decided to put off having children in another 6 months because as of now we are both engrossed with careers. We also figured that as of now we would just want to enjoy each other and be responsible only each other. We are also still not over the part where you spend half of your salary on material and trivial stuff. We certainly want to plan the future of our kids. Like anyone else, we want to be responsible parents. We want to give our kids the best opportunities in life and to raise them with lesser financial worries because we are ready for it.
Dizzle - September 6th, 2009 at 1:11 am
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Speaking as an American married to a Filipina and living here in the Philippines this is something I can relate to. I am an atheist and do not want children (ever). My wife agreed to not having children before we got married but she has at times wished she had one (I never have). I think some of it has to do with pressure from her religious beliefs (brainwashing in my opinion) and friends/relatives who can’t understand the concept of being happy without kids. I know plenty of American couples who don’t have/want children.

I wanted to get married for the comfort/safety of a steady companion and not because I wanted to woman to bear children for me. Most of the locals here I talk to have one reason for having children – someone to take care of them when they get old. It’s as if the only reason they have kids is so they’ll have a care-giver in their final years.

I just want a simple life and having children will just complicate things. Call me what you want but I don’t want to spend 20+ years of my time/money/effort taking care of offspring. I’ve had to take care of the birth control (had a vasectomy at age 31) as I learned early on that Filipinos don’t have a good handle on contraception. They either don’t practice any or are not educated enough on the subject. Some of the religious folks believe it’s a sin to prevent a birth.

It’s not just children I don’t want to take care of…I don’t want pets of any kind or even plants. I want to be able to take a vacation for a week and not have anything die.

Everyone has their own desires and beliefs. I’m not saying mine are correct or the best (there is no such thing) but if it makes me comfortable and happy then that’s all that matters. If you want to be Mormon and have 10 kids be my guest – just don’t ask me to babysit for you when you and your spouse want a break.
OutsideTheBox - September 8th, 2009 at 12:06 pm
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Some people love each other, so they get married. It has tax and insurance benefits as well.

Some of us are Buddhist. Buddhism does not require us to have children.

Almost all the Childfree people, I know, are very educated. Most are managers, engineers, and such. They bring down very good salaries. What do we have to have issues about?
Sanmigsean - September 10th, 2009 at 12:50 am
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I don’t think so. First of all many expats come from a background where the social system provides institutionalized care for the elders, thus eliminating the need to have our children take care of us when we are older.

I personally find children extremely annoying, in every sense. They are a burden – physically, emotionally, and not to mention financially. I do not want to burden myself for a good 20+ years just to raise a child – for what? In my society they just hit the road at 18 or after college anyway and would never consider taking care of me when I’m older. Many say that I’m being selfish, but I just see it as being honest.
Net - September 10th, 2009 at 5:35 am
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It depends upon the couples agreement before they get married whether to have children or not. It’s after all – their life, prerogrative and choice. It’s usually what works for both.