Harlow35 asked:
We are in our 30′s and we have been together for almost 2 years, we do not live together. He is a hard worker, would always provide, accepts my son and I, rarely drinks, doesn’t smoke, is a good companion and would stand by my side through thick & thin but I am not in love with him, I do love him though.
This relationship has not been smooth because I am affectionate and expressive and he is not but he is getting better. He would never fight for the relationship so I am scared that if the marriage was suffering at any given time that he wouldn’t fight for that (even though he does not believe in divorce).
He is not much of a talker about anything and I feel the conversations between us fall flat, I am scared there is not enough of a mental connection there for the long haul. I find myself bored at times because of this.
I have heard many times that the passion wears off and you have to marry someone you like and have compatibilities with, is that true?
We are in our 30′s and we have been together for almost 2 years, we do not live together. He is a hard worker, would always provide, accepts my son and I, rarely drinks, doesn’t smoke, is a good companion and would stand by my side through thick & thin but I am not in love with him, I do love him though.
This relationship has not been smooth because I am affectionate and expressive and he is not but he is getting better. He would never fight for the relationship so I am scared that if the marriage was suffering at any given time that he wouldn’t fight for that (even though he does not believe in divorce).
He is not much of a talker about anything and I feel the conversations between us fall flat, I am scared there is not enough of a mental connection there for the long haul. I find myself bored at times because of this.
I have heard many times that the passion wears off and you have to marry someone you like and have compatibilities with, is that true?
If you have married someone that you weren’t in love with I would like to hear your stories please.
Just a note-my sons father is very involved with him, we have a great parenting relationship. I own my own home and have a good job.
love compatibility
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8 Responses to 'Would you or did you marry someone you weren’t “in love” with?'
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I would never do that. I think you will be in for a rough road ahead if you do not have a strong foundation with each other. Settling for convenient is usually not a long term deal.
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Hmm. So with all these warning signs are you saying that you want to take a chance?Are you desperate? Is your son grown? A bad breakup later wouldn’t be right if your son is not grown.All of these warning signs only get worse. Good luck though.
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Well i am the oppoisite. i marries someone that i was deeply in love with, and got pregnant shortly after. after our son came along everything changed. my son is the center of my universe and he is just not the man i married anymore. he never helps me with our son, and he doesnt even treat me good anymore. marriage definitely changes people i guess some for good, and others for the worst. in your case please dont marry this guy. you would regret it. wouldnt you rather be with someone who makes you feel special and who can atleats carry on a conversation with you? he sounds like a good friend not a good husband, there are tons of guys who would stand by you and accept you for your son. dont be with someone you are not even in love with. you need passion and romance to make a marriage really work.
love compatibility
I wouldn’t do it. I understand that this guy seems like a good thing, but realize that if you’re having these fears, there is a reason. Wait for love; do you really want your son to have a distant father who he will never feel really loves him or his mother?
Caffeinated Content
OK hun–if u have a kid already–than LOVE should not be such a big factor. You need security–he does sound like he will be a good husband.
I think that you can learn to love someone—it is not all about feeling butterflies and gushy. You need to think for 2, do what is smart and will bring you a good stable life–you want my opinion–marry him asap.
And why do so many women have kids already–alot of men dont want you and your baby and your babies daddy. I run from ****** with kids.
Love has many, many faces. Good luck hun.
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Both my mom and my grandma married for security. It wasn’t about the love. My grandma, lived in hard times, and was proposed to by two guys on the same day (military, time is limited) she loved them both but was in love with only one. She said no to the man she was in love with, because he was a partier, he lived in the moment. Had no plans for the future. My grandpa, was a thinker. He had money saved, and an education. He got out of the military, got a job gave her everything she ever wanted. She was happy and in time she grew to love him more and more. She never was in love with him though. My mom had originally married for love and after 3 years problems came up that they couldn’t get over. So she married someone who could care for her and her baby (me). He was a cold, and calculating person. Nothing like her, or my father. He is a provider though. He helped get her out of debt, took me in as his own. She has a nice home and life. But for her over the years her love for him has lessoned. They fight a lot more now, she’s more willing to stand her ground, and doesn’t seem to care what he says sometimes. It’s really hard to say, and depends on whether or not you think you could be happy. I had a choice, be with someone who can provide, or someone who I love. I chose love, and am going on 3 years, and I’m so happy! My daughter is well cared for and loved. So like Isaid it’s really only your answer to decide.
Kansieo.com
i’m with my hubby because we promised each other we wouldn’t abandon each other. He’s got issues showing affection, and I feel my love for him (the mooshy kind) fadeing. It’s upsetting that I may end up the rest of my life stuck in a relationship that doesn’t fulfill my emotional needs.
Most women need affection, and most men don’t know how to give it. God’s “sense of humor” strikes again. Ugh.
My guy seems to respond better when I say things casually instead of sitting down for a “talk.” That scares the he11 out of him. One thing you might mention though is that you rely on him for the things that you need – even if he doesn’t understand why you need them – and he is your ONLY source for affection. You’re not going to cheat on him, and he’s not willing to try and change, so you feel stuck, and can he help you with your problem?
I dunno what else to tell you – we’ve got the same issue more or less.
Kansieo.com
I married my second wife, partly because I wanted to be in a marriage again and also because she needed help and I cared enough about her to try and help her. I was not “in love” with her though. After we got married, all her hidden secrets started coming out and I found out that she wasnt the person I thought she was.
Turned out she was a liar, cheat and a thief.
I have learned that marrying someone for any reasons other than love will never work.
You sound like you have a stable life with a good job and a home so why would you “settle” for anything less than true love? Its great that your sons father is involved, but your son also needs to be in an environment that will teach him true family values and what love between a man and woman is supposed to be.